No Shame

It is a beautiful day out. The sky is super clear. It’s really feeling like the season is turning and we are starting to head toward summer. It is supposed to hit 70 today and I’ve been waiting most of the morning for this to materialize. I keep refreshing the weather app on my phone and it feels like we have gotten stuck in the low 60’s. When I leave the house a little after 11:30, it’s 62 degrees and it pretty much feels like that outside. It is by no means terrible but I know we can do better. I get into my car which is warm from sitting in the sun. Oh yeah…that’s the stuff.

I drive up PCH and it is just lovely. I love Dana Point. It’s just such a nice little beach town. I’ve just been looking at this Dana Point centered Facebook Group which I mostly enjoy but folks sometimes get all bent out of shape as if the entire town has fallen into ruin or is quickly on it’s way. The new harbor is going to be a disaster or the views from the Strand are just so much worse then they were 30 years ago before the ugly houses (can we call them houses?). I don’t know. Yeah I’m bummed about the harbor and I miss the Strand that I grew up with but c’mon. The view at the strand is still beautiful and fifty years from now everyone will love the harbor and be all upset about the next harbor that they have to build up on the cliff thanks to the rising sea level.

I park my car and brace myself as I open the door and prepare to enter the cooler air. Actually, it’s pretty darn nice. Not as warm as my car but absolutely nothing to complain about. The ground feels warm on my feet and they like that. I walk down the stairs and I am actively blocking my dread of the cold. It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be and I’m certain that it will be anything but dreadful.

When I reach the bottom of the ramp, the concrete ramp looks totally chewed up - as in untraversable. Thankfully the narrow steps on the side are still in tact. Wow - I wonder what they are going to do with all of this. I really hope all this work includes a new slurry seal on the asphalt road. That will definitely push Dana Point a little ways out of the gutter at least.

As I walk down toward the water, the wet sand feels super cold. When the water comes up and laps over my feet it doesn’t feel quite as bad as I thought it might. It’s not really any colder than a couple days ago but I would love to see these next few days of 70ish air temps and calm winds push the water temp up a notch or two.

I can see the tractor up the beach working on the rock embankment (or whatever it’s called) at the bottom of the bluff. I can’t really tell what exactly it is doing. It just looks like it is banging on it. I wonder if I’m ok to set my pack here. What if it makes its way up to my pack and smashes it. Well, this is why I make a point of keeping nothing of value in it.

I step out into the water. It’s certainly not warm but I can’t think of anything bad to say about where I am right now. I eventually dive into the water and start swimming. There are knives poking at my arms and chest and upper back. Soon my legs feel like they are turning to jelly. I tell myself that this is just a temporary in between space and I will soon be on the other side of it.

I do feel better soon and half way down the beach I am absolutely on the other side. I’m passing through a stretch that feels downright warm - maybe a 61 degrees that feels like 80. These stretches come and go but when they come they are great and when they go I know they will return.

The entire swim is totally great. It really feels like the northern half of the beach is colder than the southern half. Despite the fact that I feel the cold grow, I do not feel like I am being overtaken. The cold feels manageable and I feel very much alive. I stop briefly to discern just where I am and everything goes quiet. I just hear a sort of low hum from the breeze. It is very delicious and if I wasn’t so cold I might stick around a bit longer to savor this silence but I really feel like I gotta move.

Eventually I finish up and my pack looks to be untouched. The construction crew looks to have moved down here to the ramp and it looks like I am going to have to walk up the beach to the next exit point. Given the weather here, I am 0% disappointed and relish the walk. Curiously the lifeguard hut is vacant. I wonder if it is because of the construction.

By the time I get to the showers above, I’ve had the chance to dry off and warm up quite a bit which enhances the sting of the cold water but once it hits me, I just power through it and all is well. Back in my car, my Dana Point Facebook group pops on my phone and someone is saying we should all be ashamed of ourselves for what is happening with the harbor. I’m looking in front of me at a woman sitting and reading on the lawn here with a full view of the ocean. I don’t sense an ounce of shame in her gaze. I just hope she can sleep tonight.